Your Stress Isn’t Their Job

The first time my boss burst into the room with that look...wide eyes, clipped sentences, coffee sloshing out of his mug. I braced for bad news. Something major had to be wrong. But it was just a client pushing a deadline by one day.

That was the thing about working for him: everything was a crisis. A printer jam got the same reaction as a lost contract. Over time, we stopped asking whether something truly mattered. We just reacted, shoulders tense, hearts racing. We didn’t become more effective. We just learned to live in fight-or-flight.

Leaders set the emotional tone, whether they intend to or not. When you pass your stress straight down the chain, you don’t just share information... you hand off the weight of it. Unprocessed stress creates a culture where urgency exists without purpose, and burnout becomes inevitable.

If you’re the leader, try this before bringing your stress to the room:

• Take five minutes to process first. Those minutes can turn panic into clarity.
• Separate facts from fears. Facts help your team act. Fears are yours to manage before sharing.
• Pair every problem with a plan. People can handle hard news better when they see a path forward.
• Use a calmer delivery than you feel. Your tone shapes theirs more than your words do.
• Decide if this is a “now” problem or a “later” problem. Not every update requires immediate attention.
• Check your motives. Ask yourself: am I informing, or am I offloading?

If you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s stress:

• Ground yourself before reacting. A deep breath or pause can help you respond instead of absorbing their panic.
• Clarify the facts. Ask, “What exactly happened?” and “What’s the next step?” to pull the conversation into actionable territory.
• Set your own emotional boundary. Their stress can be real without becoming your operating mode.
• Match your urgency to the actual stakes. If the issue is small, keep your pace and energy steady.
• Create micro-moments of calm. Even a quick reset—stepping outside, getting water—can keep you from carrying their energy all day.
• Document what’s real. Writing down the facts can help you see what’s yours to solve and what isn’t.

Pressure will always be part of the job. But how it’s carried (and who has to carry it) is a choice. The more intentional we are about where we place that weight, the more likely it is to land in the right hands, in the right way.